HFCS: effika’s blog

Things are not so much better as they are more clarified.

Ryan thinks I am dependant on the relationship (not him). In other words, he’s interchangable, I just need a relationship.

You can guess that didn’t make me feel too good.

He said he’s just trying to make it easy for me to break up with him if I want, as he doesn’t think I’d ever break up with him until something major happened (like him cheating– which he won’t do). He said he’s trying to make it easy for me to break up with him because he doesn’t think I’m very happy in this relationship. He wants me to be happy, and while it would hurt for him if that meant breaking up, he wants me happy. That’s his goal. He’s told me over and over again. That he just wants me to be as happy as possible, and that I should do what I need to be happy.

He’s such a caring man. I care for him, too, he’s not interchangable. I need to show him that somehow.

It upset me so much last night, though, because there’s a chance he’s right.

Completely different subject:

I started hanging around the Motherboards.org forums again. I was a regular there for a while, then in July I just decided to quit. No particular reason, I just quit. It was a very momentous decision, I guess I was just proving to myself that I could quit something like that. I came back to the forums last Friday or Saturday. People remembered and missed me. I didn’t think they would, but they did. It makes me feel a little more good.