HFCS: effika’s blog

Short one today.

I quit academic team. For the second time in my entire life, I’ve quit something I joined voluntarily that eventually turned unpleasant (happened quickly this time). Not graduated from it (jazz band), the organization didn’t dissolve (art camp/club), nor was I excluded from it (girl scouts. Troupe leader’s daughter decided I wasn’t “popular” enough in our class of 20 to go anymore, so stopped telling me when we had meetings).

First time, btw, was Reader’s Club in 8th grade. It’s shameful to admit– but the reason I quit was because I didn’t want to be seen in the yearbook in the same picture of the most stigmatized boy in our school. He’s dead now. Drank himself to death after he dropped out of hs in our sophomore year. We all felt bad, but not sorrowful. More selfishly guilty than sad that he’d ceased to exist.

I felt exceedling antisocial today. My floor was eating together and I didn’t go even after they asked me /in the cafeteria and told me where they were sitting/, I argued with Ryan a lot today, told Charles to shut up a lot during chemistry, and basically was mean to people who care about me. After dinner I retreated to my thankfully empty room for a few hours and read before emerging back out to the world, wherein I was made fun of horribly by my friends and didn’t have much fun until the last hour or so of my night. The last hour consisted of me getting a chicken ceaser salad, Ryan trying to make up for making fun of me, walking back to my dorm with Ryan and talking about his day (he already knew mine, I made it a point to tell him earlier… eugh), and reading my sociology assignment in the lounge with some people from my floor.

Hmmm… ok, maybe this isn’t so short. Eh. Anyway… night everyone.