HFCS: effika’s blog

I’m so confused, but I’m happy, so…

I’m friends with Ryan. I have this feeling I’m going to feel jealous if he’s telling me about other girls, though. But I think I can handle him as a friend.

I no longer want to either a)be with him or b) not be with him, but somewhere in the middle. In other words, my heart doesn’t feel broken, but I’m not wanting to be with him right now. I think, I really think, that the summer apart will be good for us. I think that it will really set the stage for when we get back to Norman for school. I’d like to get back together with him, but things need to change first. I need to figure out who I am and what makes me happy. Ryan has his own things to figure out. I’d like to test the waters, but not until after the summer.

I’m also happy that Ryan says he’ll come down at least once. Maybe not for my birthday, since it’s so close to our move-in date, but sometime in the middle of summer he’ll come down. He’ll probably stay with Paul, but we’ll see how things go.

I really don’t want to leave Norman. I love it here, but somehow I’m happy right now. I have a final at 8am tomorrow that I’m not prepared for, but I don’t care. I’m confused but I’m happy, so I guess things are alright. :-)