HFCS: effika’s blog

Last night I dreamed that Sean had found some way to stay here in Norman with me. I woke up really happy… and then about half-way through breakfast I realized it was just a dream.

I’ve got 2 more loads to autoclave for today… I’ll probably just do one today and the other tomorrow or Thursday. I don’t feel like staying late today.

I really wish I had something to take my mind off this dream. Even refilling pipette tip boxes didn’t put my mind into a coma like it usually does. There’s this sour, heavy pit in my stomache that just won’t go away now. Usually I’m able to just put everything in the back of my mind but today it just won’t happen. I think I’m scared. I’m not exactly sure of what; I just know that Sean leaving is a Bad Thing(tm). I don’t want to just see him on the weekends, I want to see him every day. I want to hang out and do absolutely nothing. I want to cuddle while we watch Adult Swim. He’s such a big part of my life now and I don’t want to lose that.

I don’t even know what I’m going to do about Ryan, Paul, and Chuck. They shunned me, so I avoided them… and now Ryan doesn’t want to see me as much b/c I won’t put out for him. I’ll have Melissa and Amber and their friends to hang out with, but I’m just not used to them. I’m not used to dealing with girls (I know, I /am/ one) and the entire thing seems forced. I thought I’d have Sean here with me to help me deal with everything.

Venting is good.

1st autoclave batch is done, w00t.